*sob*

Damn this world is fucking damn off its mind! Just got off the phone with my sis to find out that 1 of my pretty cute cousin that is only 5yrs old got Lymphatic cancer, she is now lying on bed and has to get in chemotherapy, how should a 5 yrs old child stand all this torturing! damn this just spoil my night, fight that off girl… sigh get well i still wanted to give back ride carry you around, no complain i promise, just get well

back to my life

Well holiday is over, Chinese New Year is a blast I mean back at KB then, since this is only the 10th day, there is 5 more day to go if anyone is still in the mood to celebrate heheh, well KB is fun and all gamble a lot, drinking eating blah~ (kinda off shape ady.. sigh) but there is something missing back then, we felt weird without that someone back there, hate her for moving out of KB but we will love you always… you big fat creamy lump of CHEESE

P.S.
this is what i do most of the time when i m back to my grandma's place




I will be some sort of ride to my group of cousins, tiring but what the hack it is fun, plus they are all loveable and cute hehehe



this is my cousin's son, want one of this for my own (talking it as a toy haha) can't believe that I m an uncle... sigh I don't wanna grow up...

What to be?

The famous to be or not to be by William Shakespeare, in it holds a debate of suicide. The simplest summary of Hamlet's speech might read "Life is so wretched that suicide would be preferable---except that we're too afraid of what might come after death."

But for me now to be
Is it to ask more?
To be greedy, or ambitious?
To be confidence, or arrogant?
Is it to love?
To love myself, or being a narcissistic?
To give or to take?
Is it to push myself more?
To stay on path, or to open new path?
To be lead or to lead?
Is it to be me, myself?
Who m I?
I got confuse day by day,
I gain bit by bit everyday,
From all I gain in confuse me more,
Things that goes on and on,
The same things,
The same things confuse me,
It is the same but yet not,
What is the truth? What is not?
What choice to be made?
What is right and wrong?
Black and white?
Who set things? Who name them?
The world is just a big jumble, Babel.
People love and hate each other,
People with the same color, different color, shape and seizes?
What is it to discriminate?
The blood is red? What is the different?
Who are we?
We get confuse everyday.
Too bad life ain’t a fairy tale.

To be, or not to be (from Hamlet 3/1)

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. - Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.

William Shakespeare

taken from:
http://www.artofeurope.com/shakespeare/sha8.htm

Zeek's diary, part 9

With a sigh Zeek put his phone down with disappointment, Winton without saying a word give Zeek a pet on his back, in minutes Zeek’s phone ring… with excitement the caller I.D. show – Michelle, “Hello…” the voice that make his heart melt come from the other side of the line, “you call me just now? Sorry I m in the bathroom, anything?” for seconds Zeek have nothing in his head, Winton notice something from his buddies blank look, he push Zeek on his shoulder and wake him up, “no biggie just wanna wish you a happy valentine, so how is your celebration this year? Going out with anyone special?” Zeek tried to test if Michelle is still with her boy friend, “Thanks, errm not so happy this year, caught a cold… and loaded with work, damn… how about you?” “Bah… work? Or excuse?” mumble Zeek in his heart, “as usual alone and not celebrating this day, I stole my friend away from his girl friend and now we are drinking in a bar…” the call is intruded by a push from the back, someone punch Winton in the face and he landed on Zeek’s back…

Zeek's diary, part 8

He switches his cell phone off, pull his blanket over his face and start sleeping again, lucky for him he is still a student…
“Ring…” the phone rings, “Who is that? Can’t I get some sleep?” he picks up his phone and from the other end is his best of all buddies – Winton, “you wanna have a bite? And after that let crush the bar and have some drinks, it has been long since we chat.” “What? Now? I just sleep…” Zeek talks like he is dying, “what the fuck? Do you realize what time is it now? It is 7 pm for your ass sake” well this 2 friends and not such a big fan of the big guy up there, what mostly they say are about people not include G.O.D. if they well OMG, yeah it is about them. “Now clean yourself up change and I pick you up in 15 minutes.” And Winton hang up, “What?!” without any choice he pull his heavy head of his out of his room and put himself below the shower.

After dinner the guys when to a bar and odder a bottle of whisky to kill off some stress from school, “Oh yeah, you have a date last night, how it goes? You bang her?” Winton finish his word with a smirk, “fuck no I m searching for a relationship not sex! If I want any I can just bring some one home now. And for your concern the date when well…” “ What you did after the date?” ask Winton curiously, “Ermm, after dinner we just go off like that.” Zeek drink on his whisky after we answers, “just that? Did you follow up?” suddenly raising his voice, “follow up… damn! I have a bit too much of a drink!” “Well, call her now!” demand Winton. Zeek took his phone out and dial, but no one’s picking up.

Zeek's diary, part 7

After paying the 2 walk off to the car park, feeling time fly by fast Zeek dunno what to say and ask for Michelle to say for by his side for a while, well Zeek may look confident but he is a hack of a wind beg, there are theories that he pours to his friends that might work but seldom he practice it, nervous? Scared? It is all not even him know. “Well this means good bye then.” Michelle cut off Zeek’s thoughts, “huh? Oh ya…ya… bye.” Well since she have said it…
After Zeek got home it is all him and his bottle of wine again, happy in a way that the date when well, sadly… he cant explain much of it… is all silence only sound made by the TV, after a while he notice that he doze off, “shouldn’t have drank that much, fuck! Now I feel like throwing up.”

The next day he found himself with a heavy head and everything sounded like a gong… his phone ring… “Fuck! This could kill… damn valentines day! Why all the message…” Zeek feel cranky mostly on that day, he never know why, but 1 thing for sure his relationship never last till that day. "it is just the eve of valentine, do they have to send the fuzzy warm stuff now..."

The eye of malaysia

Well at the last minute after dinner, we decided to go to titiwangsa, to have a look at the eye of Malaysia, is a damn big ferries wheel (not really that big) but it is kinda cool for me…


The new visit Malaysia ambassador -- hoilee


the eye of Malaysia


we walk into the wrong path, kena halau...


got the tickets, RM15 per person


on q, me and beeying


Alan, hoilee and me


up from above


Wats that?


cant wait... photos photos photos


we end it with ice-creams


well bye~

Well I have a fun time going there, hope to be there again, not the place but friends that I enjoy

Zeek's diary, part 6

“Follow me sir…” the waiter escort Zeek into the lounge after checking the list of reservations. The way to Michelle seems like miles for Zeek, inside him there is a lot happening he felt like yelling out letting all the emotions go… “Here you are sir.” Zeek’s thought was interrupt by the waiter, when he look up there sits Michelle, on the spot where they have dinner before, Zeek’s mind doze off again to that night… “Zeek!” this pull Zeek back from his thoughts, “hello, are you alright? You seem blur…” “Oh I m ok… just a little tired I think… heheh” Zeek force a smile on his face, just to hide his thoughts. “Have some wine, it should refresh you a little, I know you like red wine…” Michelle pours some wine into an empty glass in front of her and offers it to Zeek. As they drink and eat on the dinner Michelle have order before Zeek’s arrival, it is just some short talks among the two, just till the wine kick in, “you have a good taste… the wine and food is just ememm… hahaha I m impress” words just pour off Zeek’s mouth, the two enjoy the evening till the bottle of wine is empty. “Look at the time.” says Michelle, “lets pay the bill and go off?” “Damn, it ends so soon?” mumbles Zeek on a sound just loud enough for himself to listen, “huh?” ask Michelle, “I mean ok… waiter~ may I have the bill please…”

A story of the king of tropical fruits

A brief introduction of Durian.
The fruit can grow up to 40 cm long and 30 cm in diameter, and typically weighs one to five kilograms. Its shape ranges from oblong to round, the colour of its husk green to brown and its flesh pale-yellow to red, depending on species. The hard outer husk is covered with sharp, prickly thorn, while the edible custard-like flesh within emits a strong, distinctive odour. Some regard this odour as fragrant while others find it overpowering or offensive. The seed can also be eaten after boiling, drying, frying or roasting.

The fruit in Malaysia is call as the king of fruits, it is hate or like by people here, there is a story about durian.
A lecturer of a friend of mine told her this story, a friend of his from Hong Kong came to Malaysia for visit and wanted to try our king of fruits, so he ask for instruction to eat the fruit, the lecturer told him to have the skin of the durian peal and eat the inner part.
The next day the HK friend call up my friends lecturer and told him “I don’t understand why you Malaysia like to eat durian that much, I taste so bitter and dry! And hard to bite too!”
My friends lecturer is curious and ask where he bought his durian and what is the colour of the “meat” he eat.
“I bought it from carefour, like you teach me, I peal out the yellow part and eat the brownish part.”

this is how it looks like normally when buy in supermarkets


this is what it is like...

Zeek's diary, part 5

Zeek drive off the desperately long high way and into the route that eagerly bringing himself over to the lounge, he felt blank nothing, he don’t even know that is he excited or bum up by the situation he have before… “I need to refresh myself before going into the lounge” Zeek thought that to himself, without hesitation he park his car and walk into a restaurant that is just next to the lounge, walk straight into the restaurant’s toilet have his face wash and tidy up, “well stand up and get ready for the date.” A deep breath in and he walk out of the toilet pass the restaurant main exist and into the lounge beside, “do you have a reservation sir?” ask the waiter in front of the door blocking his way in, “buzz off…” this all happen silently inside Zeek like he always have (so call being polite), “yes reservation under Michelle.”

Zeek's diary, part 4

The girl is different from the friend he has feelings for, she is the kind of girl that he is crazy for, her style, her move, her thoughts is not what can be written down to explain but he knew it, he knew that he wanted that girl even not forever, even romance wont last, he will struggler to manage, to make it work till the love candles burn off… he is not the kinda guy that lets a relationship goes… he will when it have slip off too far, he will when it is hopeless… it happen before… it what he knows now to recover n learn.
Sometimes he don’t know what he felt anymore, too much time spend with some one gets an uncertain feeling. He saw someone that clicks at 1st sight he start obsesses about her, for now it is her.

Zeek's diary, part 3

Blank nothing in his mind but tears still sliding down his cheek he is confuse as what life have bring, the feeling of being alone, left off even though surrounded by people, some will think that it isn’t something to be obsesses of, go find someone people might tell him. “Yea…” is all he might answer, in his heart it is a scratch, sometimes it is just numb…
He got all the answers but not all matches something is always missing…
Ringing of his phone break his thoughts looking at the caller id is some number that he don’t know, after a deep breath he pick his phone up press on the accept button and talk to it, “hello, you there?” from the other end came a voice that he felt familiar yet far away, a girl that he have dream of, “want a drink?” came from the other end, without thinking he answer “yea”, from the other side “meet you at the lounge where we have dinner before.” And she hangs up.

Zeek's diary, part 2

Zeek have nothing in mind but that should be the ticket out of this freaking place, the flash fade and just to found a police car park just behind Zeek’s car, Zeek have never be happier to see a police car, it twitches him every time he sees one on the road when he drive, he have done nothing wrong but because of too many bad experience have happen (bribing, or get threat even it isn’t his fault). “What ya doing here? Have a problem?” Zeek just look at the policeman who walks towards him, still with his cigarette puffing away on his lips, for a moment of pause there where the policeman waited there for answer from our miserable friend, “I m out of gas.” Answer Zeek suddenly “no big deal, there is a gas station a few km away, get up my car and I drive you over” Zeek stand up and walk towards the police car open the passenger side door and walk in. “Weird guy… maybe is because of his bad time…” this thoughts go on and on in the policeman’s mind. After saving Zeek’s night the police when off leaving Zeek with his weird thoughts, he don’t even know what his mood is, he ain’t sad or mad but in seconds 2 line of tears just drop from his eyes.

Zeek's diary -- Chapter one, part 1

Zeek found that he is out of no where, no lights, no sign, no signal… “Fuck… how did I get here?” Zeek mumbles to himself in frustration, “there isn’t a soul found in this fucking place, and fuck should I fill the gas before driving out, darn ass…” When he finally settle he sit down beside his car and took out a pack of cigarettes, well the irony thing is the cigarettes is a month old or more, he don't even know how long have he store that pack in his beg, he don’t smoke much but on situations like this something to burn the tens should help.
Puffing smokes out calm his mind down, suddenly someone he have feelings to pop up in his mind, someone that he have been friends for years that now he felt click, but hack like the ‘rules’ said, they are in the friend zone, clicking don’t work here, it may ruin the friendship… “Hack!” curse Zeek “Is this real? Or cuz I m just confuse?” his thought goes on will a flash of light break the dark…

human nature

Things that one takes for grated, maybe what others cherish.
Things that seem small, may look big when it is miss.
Things that are in front given without any price, may look expensive where it isn’t there.
Human always take things for grated, I know I have, because of this I have let one I cherish go, without pushing myself to have her back, but obsessive is part of my nature, this bring one to a dark corner where I lick on my own broken heart… regrets… what to regrets? Stupidity? Worst thing to regret is what is not done, and regrets why it isn’t done…
Girls… no I should say humans are the beings that take things for grated… human are beings that regrets but never learn form it…

My man hoot

Recently I kinda shaking on myself confidence, some 1 say I look gay! Fuck that! Hahaha, but at least I recover and relize that there is nothing to be obsess about (although I m kinda obsessive in nature), but I realize I do what I want I be what I want, as long as what I do don’t harm others or it is wrong in many ways that it point too, I don’t care! As they say live life to it’s fullest. I m going to do mine, just for me but no others maybe I might include those who I love hahaha, as a friend, a family or a lover (still on search).

Me and my bottal of wine

Well Happy New Year I guess, I don’t felt any different, the only changes is my little sis is now in Secondary School, other then that it is just the same, the last day of 2006 I rented a car to send hoilee to the bus station (she is going back Penang), before that we when to Alamandar to grape a bite, and I got my chance to buy a bottle of Yellow Tail (an Australian red wine), after all the hassle, I being home alone watching TV and chat with my good friend Ruben online listening to his 1st odd experience (funny in a way) but for him… all I can say is poor thing. Some friends ask me online before the go off celebrate, why aren’t you going out? Felling old this year? Neh~ me never hahah just maybe a little… I m damn tired form the work the day before, so I decide to crash at home drinking… well my older year is just so so, as in still alone… hope that this year I have some 1 to go pass valentine… high hope huh?

Singapore part 2

Christmas eve is just tiring but is fun since it have been long hanging around the KB gang, all of us have our own path and new social group.

25/12 Merry Christmas! Today I stay back at home decide to spend some quality time with the family, and the girls should have walk off to taopanyeo, my cousin bought me a mug as my Christmas present love it haha, on it written BIG GUY (and it is a big mug!) thanks guys and sorry I didn’t get you guys anything… after a few lazy rest on the bed watching Bleach, my uncles ask if I wanna accompany him sending my cousin to work (pity! Have to work on the public holiday), at 1st he wanted to tour around bring me to visit some relative at Singapore (that I don’t really recall who are they :p ) but end up going back home early cause he didn’t bring his mobile phone out (scared have any critical call). Dinner is just we 2, yingjie have to work, peiyee having fun, zhenhui sleeping in his room (is it? hahah). Cool dinner.

26/12 when to city hall too meet up the girls again and I m early… (Should know what I mean) waited for them for hours, tour around myself a little have a breakfast at subway (cool fast food restaurant, the sandwich serve are all fresh) bought a book I been seeking back here and to found out it is band in Malaysia (dunno why, there is nothing to be band in it, plus it is the best seller, a book by Paul Arden, it’s not good you are, it’s how good you want to be). Finally the girls came and we tour around the five fingers (the architectural looks like a hand), Reai call me up and I meet her leaving they guys and rejoin them when they wanted to go back, hugs to the girls when I go send them off at the MRT cause it is always long to get to see each other. Go have dinner with Reai and spill what is happening lately, meet waishim after that have some cool time catching up and taking photo here n there! Hahah and we got back home, thanks you guys for the Christmas present.

27/12 last day in town so I decided to call up the twins as usual girls are late and I bring zhenhui along, I think our chit-chat bored him up hahah sorry, and so goes to wai’s boy frind, nothing much happen we just chat here n there and go back home, have to pack my stuff and have dinner with my uncle for the last time (this visit) and rest at home till 10 he send me over to Johor Bharu to get on to the train.

Well have some regrets, didn’t have to buy the cap I fit in and like! Will get 1 next time I m in Singapore. Didn’t save up for the trip! A lot wanted to buy but can’t afford! But overall it is fantastica! Love and miss all you guys~

P/S 1 factor that I like Singapore is because that they got shirt, shoes and caps that I can fit into anyone that know me should know that I m not a s size guy.
The other fact is because the culture and people think more openly!

Singapore part 1

Just got of the train this morning getting back from Singapore, the trip is just a blast! Hahah, it can be better if I have more cash and more time there but till this stage I m satisfy with what I got so far.
23/12 me siao hui and sze yuin got on the bus and headed to Singapore before getting on the bus we are still worry about the flood and if we can made it there. In the bus itself we are the only group that talk the most on the trip. Rest off for the day I when back to my uncle’s and the girls when to Jamie’s.

24/4 meet them up at Bugis walk around Bugis village, there is a cool sex shop around the corner kinda cool hahah, Singaporeans are more open minded then Malaysian the government itself too, 1 thing we are not so use to is how fast the escalator is in the MRT, after some shopping at Bugis we when back to Jamie’s, have a rest, dinner and go out for a Christmas eve count down. Not much we got actually but we enjoy the time we have with each other, from Orchard road we got to Vivo (St James) but it is pack! Can’t go in so we got off Quye ki (dunno how to spell it) see the reverse bungie (wanted to get on, but too expensive, I will be broke by then) then to oldest pasar in Singapore have some snacks and walk off to see the lion beside the river, rest with some games and song we decided to get to the nearest hotel (the most expensive told) to pee hahaha, and we doze out, outside of the hotel tumble against each other.

1st 2 days 3 more to go~