The Black Diary

Trying on a novel, not the best i can say but it is dark~ written last few months still need some edit here and there...

Chapter 1

It has been raining for days; it has been a dark gloomy month for Michelle. Rain has been showering down on her from head to toe shading her tears that project her sorrows. Her black gown soak by the rain revealing her beautiful curve, her make up smudge up but not able to mask her pain inside, grief have overtake her making her helpless even to her own instinct of standing up and walk away, all she could do was squat there and cry smudging more her makeup with her hands.

“Michelle! Where’s my black slim tie?” yell out Zack her boy friend from their bedroom while digging his way into their closet, “It should be just next to the shoes!” Michelle walk up to him and pose in her black gown, “so how is it?” her black eye line and eye shadow matching with her black gown, the black pearl draping in front of her chest making her more sexier than she ever is, “you are fabulous!” grabbing her by her waist and give her a peck on a lips, “but we are running late, where is my stuff? Give me a hand would you dear?”

This are the scene that she have replay over and over again since she walk out of the house, all she mumble is shut up… shut up… shut up… shut up… shut up… shut up… shut up… shut up… shut up… shut up… shut up… shut up… blood dripping down from her arm washing off slowly by the rain while she walk down the street like a zombie.

“Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” yell Zack in madly, throwing things towards Michelle he lost his charm, lost his handsome face in exchange of a devil’s look, his eyes cover with red blood vessel like a bull in rage, all turn to silent for Michelle her sense cloze up to avoid all the violence sound maybe it is in a way to protect herself, when her sense get back something bang her onto her face…

Red… is all red… nothing but bloody red all over the room all Michelle could see is only red… bloody red… she can’t define anymore which is blood and which is wine all over the bed, where she use to make love to the man she is passionate of, where they burn lust on, now… now it is only red. Zack is found lying on the bed some how his pose is weird towards to logic of nature, his fingers are twisted all going towards a different direction some have their bone reveal, his knees are all bloody revealing what is under the skin it looks like something is use to hammer on it till the skins tear open, the bone is crack and fracture pieces of it stand in place waiting to get into place. His face is distorted, should be a result of something banging hard on it not just once but it seems like it is hammer several times, it is sure to say because his right eye pop out while having it’s socket cloze in.

“Ahhhhhhhh…….” All Michelle do when she comes to her sense is scream, scream at her top of her lungs, but no one cares, there isn’t anyone staying around there is no neighbors for them, the neighbors have move, but to where it is not known.
For an hour all Michelle know is stare at Zack’s crops mumbling “shut up… shut up…” tears keep on rolling down her cheeks pulling a black line of eye line down with it, her right hand holding a statue covering with blood creating a puddle of blood bellow it.

The music leads the dance between the loving couple, “Zack? The dinner to night is fabulous.” Michelle lean more towards Zack like a kitten searching for warm within Zack’s chest, “Love, glad that you like It.” the two couple dances on with the music, dance on with their favorite song. Wine and candle light just like any girl it made a night for her.

Bang! The door slam behind Zack, Michelle looks up in fright, “Love, what’s wrong?” Zack just stand there silently as if he haven’t been into the house before all Michelle could hear was the rain outside, the water boiling in the pot and her own heart beat, she call out again to her boyfriend “Zack, what’s wrong?” she walk up to him and brush her fingers into his soak hair and again concerning her motionless boyfriend “love, are you ok?” the next thing she realize is there is a blow towards her face and send her flew off to the marble floor, Zack slap her in the face with all his force, this time the room is fill with Michelle’s sobbing and Zack’s heavy breathing.

The air fill with mixture smell of beers and Scottish Whisky, the next thing Michelle realizes is she is grab by her arm and drag up the stairs, nothing she do could break free Zack’s grip. “Let me go! Zack you are hurting me! Let me go!” scream Michelle while trying to break free, “Shut up… shut up… SHUT UP!” all Michelle heard was that, next thing Michelle realizes was she is set flying across the room towards the bed.

“Don’t stop… Zack… ah… Zack…” Michelle was seal by a lips that she know well of, the tongue behind it charge itself like a snake that found it’s pray. After what felt like hours the 2 cuddle and have some wine on bed naked as the day they are born, the room lit only with candle lights and a slight smell of saddle wood, with help lit up the fire of lust.

“Smack” Zack throw another slap onto Michelle’s face crouching on her. With all her strength Michelle kick Zack in his crouch giving her a chance to escape Zack’s grip, she pick up a statue that is given to her by Zack and swing with all her strength towards his head, a few blows send swing on to Zack’s head crashing his skull like a can, her final blow pop the eye balls out of it’s socket. After the head Michelle hammer the statue on to Zack’s fingers and knees immobilize him to make sure that he won’t lay a finger on her anymore, blood showering like the rain outside the window.

Red… it is all red the blood have painted a horrifying yet sad scene, silence comes with the color red, she can’t recall when is the last time she felt that she know the lifeless corps, she forget how is the touch of the twisted fingers, all she taste now is blood, all she see now is red, all she can say now is “shut up… shut up… shut up…” all she can do now is cry…

It is not the 1st time things like this happen, she can’t explain why, she can’t explain how, all she know is after mourning she need to wash, wash off all that she is, wash off all the evidences.

寓言故事

好久好久以前在一个树林里住着一个肥蜻蜓就叫它蜓好了。 蜓对住在沼泽里的变色龙 —— 者一见中情，但者对蜓就是不理才，无论蜓做什么都没用， 可怜的蜓怎么试都忘不了。 在这时蜓认识了小蜜蜂 —— 蜂，认为和蜂在一起会让它忘了者。。。 但蜓不知情下对蜂要求与改变，把蜂改变成蜓要的摸样。者没翅膀，蜓就把蜂的翅膀拔掉， 者有四只脚，蜓就把“多余”的脚拔掉。。。 蜂不再是蜂，蜂也不成者。。。

Another old folk tale

Once a pone time far far away at a village so far away that no one really know about it, and no one really stay there except for 2 friends and their family. The man of 1 family call Razit, him wife pass away not long ago because of sickness. The woman of the other family is Holid, not even she know where her husband have when too, he said to her that he is going to find fortunes when he is back to her. Both of Razit and Holid have 2 sons and daughter, and they have been friends dunno since when…
But one thing about Holid, she doesn’t have the responsible sense and have put her family in starvation when the raining season come, where there is no food to be find and hunt, but she always receive help from Razit her good neighbor, with advice and warning that she have to prepare the next year, but year after year it is still the same.
Till one year, it rain too bad, there is flood and land slide there is not much food left even for Razit’s family, again on the door come Holid for help, this time Razit is piss! He yell at her using the most unbearable words, “fuck off, there is nothing here, I don’t even have enough for my family, fuck off if you still think me as a friend, this is not the 1st time I warn you... and how it end up now? Now fuck off I have nothing more to say to you”.

Well guys what you think the moral of the story tells? Razit is cruel? Or the laziness and ignorance of Holid?

Zeek's diary, part 10

Shock by the incident Zeek turn back and see a guy tall but not taller then him, tan and medium build, he is the one that have punch Winton on his face, without any hesitation Zeek walk towards the guy and grape him by his collar and question his behavior, “What is the meaning of this?” the guys look at Zeek in a blur stare, “you took her away from me huh?!” Zeek turn and look at Winton confuse, in seconds Zeek felt something moving towards him fast, he turn and dodge, the man throw an other punch towards Zeek, yelling, “give her back!” “What the fuck? Dude are you ok?” Zeek yell in frustration, he stand up straight hold firmly on the guys arm, turn him around and secure him towards the bar beside them, “Luckily I still remember myself defense technique” Winton stood up furious walk towards the guys and wanted to question him, just to find that he is sleeping soundly.

Zeek's diary, part 9

With a sigh Zeek put his phone down with disappointment, Winton without saying a word give Zeek a pet on his back, in minutes Zeek’s phone ring… with excitement the caller I.D. show – Michelle, “Hello…” the voice that make his heart melt come from the other side of the line, “you call me just now? Sorry I m in the bathroom, anything?” for seconds Zeek have nothing in his head, Winton notice something from his buddies blank look, he push Zeek on his shoulder and wake him up, “no biggie just wanna wish you a happy valentine, so how is your celebration this year? Going out with anyone special?” Zeek tried to test if Michelle is still with her boy friend, “Thanks, errm not so happy this year, caught a cold… and loaded with work, damn… how about you?” “Bah… work? Or excuse?” mumble Zeek in his heart, “as usual alone and not celebrating this day, I stole my friend away from his girl friend and now we are drinking in a bar…” the call is intruded by a push from the back, someone punch Winton in the face and he landed on Zeek’s back…

Zeek's diary, part 8

He switches his cell phone off, pull his blanket over his face and start sleeping again, lucky for him he is still a student…
“Ring…” the phone rings, “Who is that? Can’t I get some sleep?” he picks up his phone and from the other end is his best of all buddies – Winton, “you wanna have a bite? And after that let crush the bar and have some drinks, it has been long since we chat.” “What? Now? I just sleep…” Zeek talks like he is dying, “what the fuck? Do you realize what time is it now? It is 7 pm for your ass sake” well this 2 friends and not such a big fan of the big guy up there, what mostly they say are about people not include G.O.D. if they well OMG, yeah it is about them. “Now clean yourself up change and I pick you up in 15 minutes.” And Winton hang up, “What?!” without any choice he pull his heavy head of his out of his room and put himself below the shower.

After dinner the guys when to a bar and odder a bottle of whisky to kill off some stress from school, “Oh yeah, you have a date last night, how it goes? You bang her?” Winton finish his word with a smirk, “fuck no I m searching for a relationship not sex! If I want any I can just bring some one home now. And for your concern the date when well…” “ What you did after the date?” ask Winton curiously, “Ermm, after dinner we just go off like that.” Zeek drink on his whisky after we answers, “just that? Did you follow up?” suddenly raising his voice, “follow up… damn! I have a bit too much of a drink!” “Well, call her now!” demand Winton. Zeek took his phone out and dial, but no one’s picking up.

Zeek's diary, part 7

After paying the 2 walk off to the car park, feeling time fly by fast Zeek dunno what to say and ask for Michelle to say for by his side for a while, well Zeek may look confident but he is a hack of a wind beg, there are theories that he pours to his friends that might work but seldom he practice it, nervous? Scared? It is all not even him know. “Well this means good bye then.” Michelle cut off Zeek’s thoughts, “huh? Oh ya…ya… bye.” Well since she have said it…
After Zeek got home it is all him and his bottle of wine again, happy in a way that the date when well, sadly… he cant explain much of it… is all silence only sound made by the TV, after a while he notice that he doze off, “shouldn’t have drank that much, fuck! Now I feel like throwing up.”

The next day he found himself with a heavy head and everything sounded like a gong… his phone ring… “Fuck! This could kill… damn valentines day! Why all the message…” Zeek feel cranky mostly on that day, he never know why, but 1 thing for sure his relationship never last till that day. "it is just the eve of valentine, do they have to send the fuzzy warm stuff now..."

Zeek's diary, part 6

“Follow me sir…” the waiter escort Zeek into the lounge after checking the list of reservations. The way to Michelle seems like miles for Zeek, inside him there is a lot happening he felt like yelling out letting all the emotions go… “Here you are sir.” Zeek’s thought was interrupt by the waiter, when he look up there sits Michelle, on the spot where they have dinner before, Zeek’s mind doze off again to that night… “Zeek!” this pull Zeek back from his thoughts, “hello, are you alright? You seem blur…” “Oh I m ok… just a little tired I think… heheh” Zeek force a smile on his face, just to hide his thoughts. “Have some wine, it should refresh you a little, I know you like red wine…” Michelle pours some wine into an empty glass in front of her and offers it to Zeek. As they drink and eat on the dinner Michelle have order before Zeek’s arrival, it is just some short talks among the two, just till the wine kick in, “you have a good taste… the wine and food is just ememm… hahaha I m impress” words just pour off Zeek’s mouth, the two enjoy the evening till the bottle of wine is empty. “Look at the time.” says Michelle, “lets pay the bill and go off?” “Damn, it ends so soon?” mumbles Zeek on a sound just loud enough for himself to listen, “huh?” ask Michelle, “I mean ok… waiter~ may I have the bill please…”

Zeek's diary, part 5

Zeek drive off the desperately long high way and into the route that eagerly bringing himself over to the lounge, he felt blank nothing, he don’t even know that is he excited or bum up by the situation he have before… “I need to refresh myself before going into the lounge” Zeek thought that to himself, without hesitation he park his car and walk into a restaurant that is just next to the lounge, walk straight into the restaurant’s toilet have his face wash and tidy up, “well stand up and get ready for the date.” A deep breath in and he walk out of the toilet pass the restaurant main exist and into the lounge beside, “do you have a reservation sir?” ask the waiter in front of the door blocking his way in, “buzz off…” this all happen silently inside Zeek like he always have (so call being polite), “yes reservation under Michelle.”

Zeek's diary, part 4

The girl is different from the friend he has feelings for, she is the kind of girl that he is crazy for, her style, her move, her thoughts is not what can be written down to explain but he knew it, he knew that he wanted that girl even not forever, even romance wont last, he will struggler to manage, to make it work till the love candles burn off… he is not the kinda guy that lets a relationship goes… he will when it have slip off too far, he will when it is hopeless… it happen before… it what he knows now to recover n learn.
Sometimes he don’t know what he felt anymore, too much time spend with some one gets an uncertain feeling. He saw someone that clicks at 1st sight he start obsesses about her, for now it is her.

Zeek's diary, part 3

Blank nothing in his mind but tears still sliding down his cheek he is confuse as what life have bring, the feeling of being alone, left off even though surrounded by people, some will think that it isn’t something to be obsesses of, go find someone people might tell him. “Yea…” is all he might answer, in his heart it is a scratch, sometimes it is just numb…
He got all the answers but not all matches something is always missing…
Ringing of his phone break his thoughts looking at the caller id is some number that he don’t know, after a deep breath he pick his phone up press on the accept button and talk to it, “hello, you there?” from the other end came a voice that he felt familiar yet far away, a girl that he have dream of, “want a drink?” came from the other end, without thinking he answer “yea”, from the other side “meet you at the lounge where we have dinner before.” And she hangs up.

Zeek's diary, part 2

Zeek have nothing in mind but that should be the ticket out of this freaking place, the flash fade and just to found a police car park just behind Zeek’s car, Zeek have never be happier to see a police car, it twitches him every time he sees one on the road when he drive, he have done nothing wrong but because of too many bad experience have happen (bribing, or get threat even it isn’t his fault). “What ya doing here? Have a problem?” Zeek just look at the policeman who walks towards him, still with his cigarette puffing away on his lips, for a moment of pause there where the policeman waited there for answer from our miserable friend, “I m out of gas.” Answer Zeek suddenly “no big deal, there is a gas station a few km away, get up my car and I drive you over” Zeek stand up and walk towards the police car open the passenger side door and walk in. “Weird guy… maybe is because of his bad time…” this thoughts go on and on in the policeman’s mind. After saving Zeek’s night the police when off leaving Zeek with his weird thoughts, he don’t even know what his mood is, he ain’t sad or mad but in seconds 2 line of tears just drop from his eyes.

Zeek's diary -- Chapter one, part 1

Zeek found that he is out of no where, no lights, no sign, no signal… “Fuck… how did I get here?” Zeek mumbles to himself in frustration, “there isn’t a soul found in this fucking place, and fuck should I fill the gas before driving out, darn ass…” When he finally settle he sit down beside his car and took out a pack of cigarettes, well the irony thing is the cigarettes is a month old or more, he don't even know how long have he store that pack in his beg, he don’t smoke much but on situations like this something to burn the tens should help.
Puffing smokes out calm his mind down, suddenly someone he have feelings to pop up in his mind, someone that he have been friends for years that now he felt click, but hack like the ‘rules’ said, they are in the friend zone, clicking don’t work here, it may ruin the friendship… “Hack!” curse Zeek “Is this real? Or cuz I m just confuse?” his thought goes on will a flash of light break the dark…

Even the children know better

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds,
"What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.
See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5


"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6


"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4


"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7


"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)


"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)


"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8


"My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt."
Chris - age 7


"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)
Karen - age 7

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.
The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry"

the name~

This is something funny i hear from a friend, kinda bad but funny and true~ haha it goes like this, my friend have a friend in our national language his name is call kan you chun (in Cantonese mean damn moron) hehehe damn bad huh, and this poor guy stick to this name where his "good" friends have "stamp" it on his forehead for the rest of his life with them, and someone came up with a brilliant idea of a English name for him, call "stupid dumb fuck" a direct translation from the name kan you chun hahha, why you ask, Kan in Cantonese/ Hokian mean fuck, so mostly English and Chinese the language come the other way round. So they come out with this. His first name call stupid, middle name as dumb and lastly fuck~ MR. Stupid D. Fuck hahaha pity pity~